As Mother’s Day approaches, my mind wanders with a smile, as I think of my mother, who passed away a few years ago.  As such, this article will be a little diversion from the usual topical construct of this website, albeit – a wonderful and well-deserved detour. Let’s take a moment to remember!

The Discussion

My mother was this little short, ‘fattish’ woman with a bubbly personality and a big heart.  I say a ‘bubbly’ personality because she was always smiling regardless of the situation. This was something I could not fathom, especially when circumstances and human emotions demanded that of a frown or at least some teary eyes.  I can remember an incident in which we had received some daunting news, while the look on my face and that of my sister and father were that of sheer concern and probably approaching the dimension of sadness, my mother was just smiling.  

I remembered saying to her, this is serious, why are you smiling (with a little annoyance in my voice) and she just responded, ‘What else must I do?’ I did not know what to say at that point, I just stood there, speechless.  I guess this was how she maintains her sanity as we would call it, smiling at the storms so that she does not fall into despair. This was an example I certainly wanted to follow as I am sometimes considered a ‘worrier’. 

On the other hand, I can remember one of life’s situations that would make her look a little displaced or concerned.  One such occasion included her not having enough money for the household, especially for us as children.  You knew things were not so altogether, as you could see her mind wandering as to her next move to ensure that our needs were met. Only in those circumstances, her smile might seem a little unsure. It didn’t last long though, as she would be her bubbly self again in a little while.  That was a mother!

Your appreciation of her grows as you get older.

As time went by and I approached the era of adolescence, I really started to appreciate my mother even more. She would do her little housekeeping job just to ensure that we had food to eat, clothes to wear and lunch money for school. If money was not enough to support lunch, then she would ensure that something was prepared for us to eat during lunch break or after school. It was a given!  

Most times it was something substantial and by that, I mean – yam, green banana and white flour dumplings mixed with cornmeal, white rice with some type of meat kind or the good old Jamaican cornmeal porridge. Then back to school, we went, walking or running to not miss the first bell or else, you would have to stand in the corner or endure some other type of punishment.  Fortunately, we did not live too far from our school, which was a lifesaver for us during those times. 

In adulthood, as life evolves and your mother becomes older, you remember those days when she went above and beyond to meet your needs, and you cannot help wanting to return those sentiments. So you find yourself working hard to meet both your needs and hers, ensuring that she has food to eat and certain other amenities.  However, as meagre as my salary was, my parents were an integral part of its distribution, more so my mother.  So, I grew to appreciate her even more in adulthood, because she just wanted the best for us in life – she wanted us to thrive. That was a mother!

Saying Goodbye is never easy and will never be

In May 2015 on the last day of the month, my mother passed away.  It was one of the worst days of my life, yet I remembered it like it was yesterday.  The previous month she became ill and I was called and immediately rushed to her home to take her to the hospital. They ran a spate of tests; while most results were inconclusive others painted a damning picture of what we were about to experience.  These were indeed challenging times as my family and I hoped for the best and did everything in our power to provide what she needed in an effort to bring her back to a state of health.  However, little did we know that it was just not going to be the ending we had envisioned.

A few days before she died, I remember anointing her from head to toe with olive oil and just whispering to her that we loved her and that she could go, and we would be alright. I just couldn’t see her suffer anymore as she wasn’t speaking or eating but we believed she could hear us.  My sister and father had their moments with her as well and we just let her go. She passed soon after, just a few hours after one of our visits.

Some of the things I truly loved about my mother (and there are a lot more!)

• Her smile, she took it everywhere (in good times and in bad).
• Her willingness to help others. She was a very giving person and would sometimes give you all that she had. That was something that was spoken of by many persons at her funeral; I didn’t know she had impacted so many hearts, through her giving nature, until then.
• She really knows how to cook, or as we would say in Jamaica (she cyan cook!). Meaning (she can cook). I do not remember a meal that my mother prepared that was not tasty and enjoyable. She turns the simplest of things into gourmet cuisine.
• She was very hard-working. No work was demeaning for her as long as it helped to put food on the table, she would do it.
• She had a zest for life. She just wanted to live and enjoy herself – in her way, we had no input where that was a concern. She marched to her own beat.

Illustrative Summary

Here is a pictorial representation of some of the innate characteristics of a ‘mother’ from around the world – mounting all barriers. 

Let’s Sum Up!

It is almost four (4) years since the death of my mother and I miss her every day. We used to talk almost daily when she was alive, which is something I missed the most. She had gone through many challenges in her lifetime and so one of my dreams was to provide the opportunity for her to enjoy some ‘good life’ as she got older. However, time spoke and we listened.  

Nonetheless, I was not able to do some of the things I had wanted to do for her as a daughter, which sometimes saddens me when I reflect on her passing. I believed she knew we did our best and was proud of who her children had grown up to be. You could hear it in the way she spoke about us among her peers. You felt like a queen or a genius who was yet to be discovered.  That certainly was a mother.

This Mother’s Day is not going to be a sad one for me, oh no! I am going to reminisce on the great memories of my mother and honour her for the woman she was and the zeal she had for life. I would implore you to do the same if your mother is no longer around. However, if she is, cherish every moment you have with her. I know sometimes mothers or parents, in general, may do things that can unearth anger, but learn how to deal with those moments and get back to a place where you can talk to her and grow your relationship, positively. 

Time can be a ‘stealer’ and a ‘healer’, let it be the latter.  Remember, even angry moments will be a part of the shared memories when your loved ones pass.  It is all a part of life’s journey, so don’t get bitter, get sweeter and enjoy every moment the best way you can and with whatever resources you have available.  So, on this MOTHER’S DAY, remember her, call her, visit her and let her know how much you love and appreciate her. Do it in honour of her.

“Mothers are like glue. Even when you can’t see them, they’re still holding the family together.”

~Susan Gale~

Happy Mother’s Day – To all the mothers who ‘mothered’ and to those who tried.

Christmas was another favourite holiday for my mother, it might be for yours as well. As such, you may also like this article – Christmas and Me – Five (5) tidbits to make it fun while still maintaining a healthy well-being.

Editor’s Note: Article updated on Mother’s Day, Sunday, May 8, 2022, and July 7, 2024).